Top Of The Pops magazine, January 1997

It Happened To Me!

"I had my heart broken." by Kéllé from Eternal

Kéllé's trademark cheery smile turned to
tears when an ex-boyfriend said goodbye...

Let's start at the very beginning...
I started dating this boy when I was 17. I don't think it would be fair to name him. I'd known him since we were kids, and my friends and his friends decided we were a match and got us together. We went to the cinema on our first date. I can't remember the film, but I remember being nervous before hand and choosing what to wear. Eventually I settled on some grey trousers, a top and a cream and grey cap - it was in Eternal's Always And Forever days. The date went fine, we kept seeing each other afterwards and things progressed really well. We hung out together for a long time, and when I was working we talked on the phone a lot. I was completely in love with him. We went out for two years and during that time we were very happy. Well, I was happy.

What went wrong?
I don't think he respected me enough - I cared about him more than he cared about me and he took me for granted. It was an easy relationship for him, and when it stopped being convenient the problems began. I put 100 percent effort in to the relationship and really worked at it but that commitment wasn't returned. I realise now how naive I was.

When did you realise there were problems?
It took a long time. Friends around me - people like Louise - would tell me, "I don't mean to be horrible but this guy's no good for you, I don't like him." But I was in love and I was stupid, love really is completely blind. We'd discuss our future and we'd never have the same goals. I'd suggest doing something and he'd be clearing his throat, thinking, "I don't think so, I don't plan to be with you that long." I don't sleep around, I'm not interested in having that kind of relationship. I won't just sleep with guys for sex, it's simply not in my personality. If I'm gonna give myself to someone it has to be someone I'm gonna be with for a very long time. I found out that feeling wasn't mutual, which hurt a hell of a lot.

How did it end?
I got dumped. He told me, "You're not what I want, you're not the kind of girl I wanna marry. I don't think I'm in love with you anymore." I don't see how you can love somebody one day and stop the next because to me you can't switch love on and off. I don't think he could have loved me in the first place.

How did you react?
We had been at his house and that night I drove home in floods of tears. I was still living with my mum and it was late when I got there - about 2am. My mum was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her to tell her. I couldn't phone my friends. I went to my bedroom and cried my eyes out all night, put on really sad, awful songs and made myself even worse. I couldn't face anyone.

How did you adjust to being single again?
It took me about six months to get over the split. At first I told myself not to worry, he would call. Optimistic, eh? When I realised he wouldn't I became angry. The break-up ended up affecting my whole life. I wouldn't give anyone the time of day and I snapped at everyone. Talking about it helped though. I told myself I wouldn't have another relationship - you know, who wants to put themselves through that ordeal twice? I did go out with other people afterwards but only for dinner or to the cinema. I'd say "Thank you for the meal, now I'm going to my home and you're going to yours. If I want to call you I will, if I don't, I won't." It took my new boyfriend to bring me out of my shell again.

Did you find it difficult getting involved with someone new?
Very! I had no way of knowing it wouldn't turn out the same - I didn't want another relationship but they say that when the right person comes along there is nothing you can do about it. For a while I said to myself, 'No, don't fall in love,' but after about two minutes I was like, 'Shoot! It's happened!' I didn't tell him that I loved him for ages - I kept it inside me. I thought the feeling might go away. I suppose I found it difficult to trust my emotions.

Are you happy now?
Couldn't be happier! You know, when I meet my old boyfriend it's strange. It's like, 'Hi, how are you? What are you up to? This is my new boyfriend, he's fabulous, and he treats me like a goddess!' This is a completely different type of relationship, there's a lot of respect and it feels special. Oh yes, I'm very much in love - and with the right person this time!